Posted by: Junker | 18 May , 2011

Motivate Me

Writing is kind of liberating for me. I don’t write much, but when I’m not I try to save the thoughts I wanted to write in my mind, hoping I’d remember them when I sit in front of my pc.

I remember long ago when a friend, who is now a successful book writer and lecturer, lent me a book by Ray Bradbury “Writing With Gusto”. I took to heart the principles the author laid down. I don’t mind if I’m writing in correct grammar, spelling or tone. I am writing down what my mind is telling me and that makes me happy. Much like a musician who plays his music, it really doesn’t matter if the listeners likes his music or not. What’s important is the expression of one’s self, in a musicians case is his music.

I have been this feeling for two days now and I’m reluctant to write it down. Upon hearing the news that the mountain bike race I’m preparing for since March is not going to push through, I feel like someone I know just died. He won’t be around anymore.

I couldn’t say I didn’t gain anything from my preparations and training. I know I became stronger and my riding skills improved. Yes, I became better than before I started focusing my sight in the race.

I don’t like to say that I just wasted two months of my life for nothing. The time spent away from my family. Though, they may just be a couple of hours or less, still they are times spent away from them. I would never say I’d just spent money eating ridiculous amount of carbohydrates instead of eating what I really wanted. When I’m in sports training, I tend to classify my food in organic compositions.

Thinking how to improve my self and my machine for the race costs me time and resources, but I don’t want to think I did those things senselessly.

I lost a goal. I lost a motivation. I’m worried I’m losing interest. I’m no longer excited about anything, for now. I just want to stay at home, laze around, sit on the couch and watch History and Biography channel the whole day. I still find it a little difficult because the energy I had is still fizzling in me.

I still clean and wash my jerseys and bike’s drivetrain after every ride. I still find a window in my family time to do a ride. And I still feel that time away from the saddle is time I need to make up for. I still have a little of this need to keep in good shape. Ready for any ride or race.

I sometimes find my self thinking that I should start joining group rides. Maybe, I’d get the excitement back. I try not to justify that I’m better and enjoying it a lot when I’m riding alone.

Now, I am considering going back to a weights gym. I have this need in me to be constantly moving and keeping my self in good shape and health. At the back of my mind I’m trying to keep maladies in my genes at bay. Both my parental families are plagued with diseases of the heart, high blood pressure, arthritis, diabetes, etc. And I don’t want those things to get to me if I can fend them off. My father died of cardiac arrest due to stroke, three years ago. He smoked heavily since his teens.

I am happy with my discipline when I’m motivated or having a goal. And I’d really like to keep at it. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose, they’re both sources of learning for me. I just wish to keep these things in me.

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